I hate weddings. Really I do. I didn’t even want one but somehow got hoodwinked into having the whole shabang, white dress and all. Walking in to a Nazm, tons of cute flowergirls, teary-eyed family and oily biryani. All of it. The best part of my wedding was honestly the flowergirls. If it wasn’t for them I think I would have made a serious plan to find the next Istimaa and gatecrash it with the Husband (well, at that time, future-husband). But even Husband says that one of the things he remembers about our wedding is the huge smile on the face of dearest Nuhaa, the oldest of our flowergirls, as she came gliding up towards him.
The fun part was dancing around with them before the reception and watching their excitement as (their) big day approached. I’m glad they didn’t actually employ the method taught to them by my cousin Raha, which was: take one step, stop, wave, say SubhaanAllah. Then second step, stop, wave, SubhaanAllah. And so on (her intentions were well-meaning: we were trying to get the girls to not just sprint down the aisle). Anyways, the point was well-made because they somehow managed to have better aisle-walking-rhythm than me.
But anyways, all those wedding-avoidance issues aside, the bigger problem is having to attend so many, especially when I don’t know anyone there (bride and groom included). What business do I have going to a wedding where I don’t even know the couple??
Well, the hitch in my plan to avoid weddings for ever more is that one of a Muslim’s rights over you is that if they invite you to something, you’re supposed to accept (unless it’s Haraam of course). You could make a technical argument that a “mixed” function is Haraam but who am I kidding, that won’t really fly in my situation. My only other option is to really live under a rock, become a secluded hermit and hope that anyone planning on inviting me to anything notices my disappearance and leaves me to live happily in my cave made out of books and chocolate.
Recently I came upon a new wedding survival tip (who knew I would even need this tip?): that is, eat before you go, no matter how inviting the menu may sound. Or take some snacks. For some reason, brides plan their weddings for months and the whole family spends much time going through all the details, only for the occasion to start 5 hours late. They take fashionably late to a whole new level.
These weddings, meh!
Okay I’m the anti-bride, but not without some reason. Because when it’s all over, everyone will gather to do the post-mortem…brutal, scathing, was-the-food-hot-enough-and-the-hospitality-overflowing?
Nikaah is important. Just do it. Buy some akhals, feed the family. Done. Happily ever after.